Anger and grief

I think other than overwhelming sadness, the 2nd emotion I feel the most is anger. I saw a therapist for a few months after my mom died, and it was a great way to talk through the anger and its ok to be angry. The times I'm most angry are the times when I have to make big decisions without my moms input or when my dad is being an ass and I'm the one who has to deal with him. Usually when it's stuff my mom was supposed to be the one taking care of and now its left to me.

I'm angry at mom for dying, at my dad for being old, at God for taking her, at myself for being angry at someone who is dead. I'm angry that I'm not getting to live the life I was expecting to live. I'm angry that there is a lot I don't get to do and a lot that I have to do that I don't want to.

I'm ok with the anger, I usually will just go somewhere and scream out loud to release some of the anger. I yell at god and at my mom. Even a year and a half later, I still get angry that she left us. I know it wasn't her choice, that she would be here if she could which is why I get mad at myself for being angry, because it's so irrational.

Slowly but surely, life is getting easier. I cope better with issues that arrive and anger doesn't come as often. I'm learning to live a new and different life that is bringing both challenges, and also good things.