an introduction to grief

Perhaps you have come here because you are grieving or you know someone who is. This is just a blog to put out my feelings on grief and maybe give those who don't understand it an understanding that will help them help someone they love. I'm so very sorry if that is true, because it means there has been a loss and I know how devastating loss is.

My grief journey began on July 2nd 2013 when we found my mom dead in her bed. She had a massive heart attack. We tried cpr, called 911, but she had probably died some hours before. it was a shock to say the least. My dad was 91, she was 64, we never expected her to die first. Our whole lives changed. She was everything to everybody. She left behind a husband and 2 daughters, 4 sisters, and so many other people who loved her. Her funeral was packed, probably around 500 people.

The first few weeks, I was in a daze. Dying in my sleep has always been a huge fear of mine, so to have it happen to my mom, well, I finally had to see a doctor to get medicine to help me calm down and sleep. And if you have to, its ok. Sleep is so important. I have had maybe just 2 dreams about my mom, so sleep was a place to get away from grief, when I was able to sleep.

My mom had handled every aspect of hers and my dad's life, so I had to step in and begin to take care of him and the house and so many other things. I instantly had to know and learn things that I never thought I would have to which just made grief harder.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a great book called On Grief and Grieving, and it was one of the books I read after my mom died. It speaks of 5 stages of grief... Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. You will experience all of these, and not in that order and not all in a row or in a set amount of time. Anger and Depression are the ones I still experience most often... have I experienced acceptance? I'm not sure I will anytime soon.

Grief is very personal.  It's different for every person who grieves. And it's hard for them no matter what they show on the outside. I, personally,  am a loud griever. I cry, I post about it on facebook, talk about it to friends. My sister and my dad, they are more quiet in their grief, so much so, I wonder if they still grieve like I do. Its ok to grieve as long as you need to, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I can't say it gets better or easier, but grief does change as days and months and years go by. It's always a part of you, but you learn to handle it better, to live your life with it.