Over the last few days, I've become very depressed. I don't know if it's because mothers day just happened, or if because her birthday is coming up or the 2 year anniversary of her death. I'm feeling so overwhelmed emotionally- sadness, anger, fear. It's not really about her death, but the aftermath of it. She left me to take care of a 93 year old man, who was really horrible to me when I was younger. She left me to take care of everything, with really no preparation. She had taken care of it all, and I had to learn very quickly. And I did. And I do it all. Money and businesses and tenants and doctors appts, and medications and household chores and cooking. And I don't get much help.. probably because I don't ask. But I don't want to burden everyone. They have their own lives. This is the life I got handed. But I'm tired. And I need a break. I fear I won't ever get the life I want... that by the time my dad died. I'll be too old and just be a spinster with my cats and that crushes me. I feel broken today. I miss her and I'm mad she left me to pick up all the pieces. I'm mad she taught me responsibility and to care about others. How the hell did I learn these attributes from her and my sister learned none of them? Just angry. And sad. And overwhelmed. And she isn't here to tell me that it's going to be ok.
